
Guilt and Blaming
“The man who has a conscience suffers whilst acknowledging his sin. That is his punishment.”
“What do you think, would not one tiny crime be wiped out by thousands of good deeds?”
F. I. Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment
The strength of emotional pain coming with guilt, I found in my inner explorations and while working with clients, surprised me. We feel trapped in past, we feel we deserve punishment, we feel there is no way out.
One client, when confronted with guilt expressed that she wanted to continue to do what created guilt despite the emotional pain. And when asked why, she shared that she was aware of wronging many people, and believed if she wanted to get rid of guilt she needed to undo all the wrongdoings. And that seemed to her even worse than feeling pain of guilt.
The transformation happened when she realized it was possible to start acting new way in this moment. She felt guilt fading away when she made a firm decision to alter her behavior, to change.
While decision to change from this moment is in some cases sufficient, apologizing and/or taking responsibility for the past mistakes also proved to be reinforcing change and transformation.
Guilt, as emotion, may be useful to show us if we are out of alignment with our conscience and may help us to realign our behavior accordingly. However, if we hold on to guilt, it keeps us in the loop of repeating patterns and regret. Thus, it is important to understand how to break out of the loop of long term guilt and ‘use’ guilt in the way it benefits our transformation.