Being balanced in our honesty is something we may aspire to. Or not. Where do we stand on this topic? Have we been thinking about it?

Let’s dive deeper into the extreme behaviours and attitudes to honesty so we can reflect on where we stand on this topic.

We all probably have a friend that proudly says “I will tell you everything I think about it, whether you like it or not” and believe that their brutal honesty is a ‘proper’ honesty and the way to express the truth. We also may have a friend that is agreeable, does not have a strong opinion, adopts opinions of others and easily changes a point of view depending on the people around them. This type of people may be very careful not to offend others and will say what others want to hear.

Now that we looked externally into examples of the extreme behaviours, we can step into an introspection exercise. We can ask ourselves:

• Normally, where am I on the scale between the brutal honesty and people pleasing? Do I feel I am well balanced or there is a disbalance?
• What other people say about me in this regard?
• Are there specific situations in which I exhibit the described extreme behaviours – brutal honesty or people pleasing?

Once we have done basic introspection exercise, we can use Paradox-x process to go deeper into the reasons and root causes for the disbalanced behaviour, followed by improving or restoring the balance.

Paradox-x practice utilises the tools such as Paradox-x Feeling Emotions process in which we understand emotions of the polarities existing within us. The understanding and utilisation of the practical tools for working with the emotions can help us overcome and balance out the behavioural gap. Another useful Paradox-x tool is the process for Resolving Trauma in which we identify the trauma the caused inner division and disbalance and find the way out of our traumatic memory. Once we find the ‘way out’ of the traumatic memory, the inner balance is either restored or improved.

Root causes identified in Paradox-x practice: In the deep dives performed through Paradox-x processes with the clients, I found a repeating pattern of beliefs related to the topic. The clients revealed deep beliefs that closeness/intimacy with others is either not possible or not safe because of the ‘darkness’ we all have in ourselves. Thus, with brutal honesty we push away others from ourselves (then we are all safe) and with people pleasing we are hiding who we are and trying to avoid who other people really are (then we are all safe).