How Are Envy and Jealousy Different?

Envy and jealousy are often used interchangeably, but they have distinct meanings. Envy is the feeling of not having something someone else possesses, such as traits, relationships, or possessions. For instance – I envy a friend who is in a loving relationship. Jealousy, on the other hand, arises from a fear of losing a position in a situation or someone’s life. For example – when I was a kid and got a younger brother, I was jealous that he would get the attention and love I used to have before he was born.

In the case of envy, we find ourselves without something we strongly yearn to possess; In jealousy, we hold the belief that we do possess something and harbour a fear of losing it.

Can Envy and Jealousy Be Put to Good Use?

Most of us experience envy and jealousy at some point in our lives.  Although these feelings are often considered negative, they can also serve a constructive purpose. In the process of introspection, envy can be used to identify our true desires.  Jealousy can point to underlying insecurities, which can be a starting point for self-reflection and building self-confidence.

Deeper Emotions Underlying Envy and Jealousy

If we delve deeper into the emotions concealed beneath envy and jealousy, we usually discover a sense of powerlessness.

We feel powerless to “get” or “keep” what we desire and treasure. Moreover, envy and jealousy often reveal issues related to self-confidence and self-worth, sometimes even a deep shame about who we truly are (Paradox-x blog on shame can be found here).

How Is an Imbalanced Ego Related to Envy and Jealousy?

An imbalanced ego tends to constantly compare us to others without acknowledging the uniqueness of each individual, including ourselves.

This continuous comparison fuels our dissatisfaction and contributes to the emergence of envy and jealousy.

What Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions Are Connected with Envy?

Envy can be identified when we experience the following thoughts or emotions:

• “Why does he/she have it, and I do not?”
• Pain when witnessing others’ success in areas where we are not as fortunate.
• A physical sensation of discomfort when we encounter the source of our envy.
• Bitterness about the unfolding of life’s events.
• Wishing ill upon others so that they lose what they have.
• Taking actions to undermine the fortune of the person we envy.

Let’s give practical examples of manipulative actions driven by envy. For instance, if we envy our friend for having a romantic partner, we might speak negatively about the partner to provoke conflict or a breakup. Or, if we envy a colleague that we perceive to have more professional success, we can try to create situations in which they appear incompetent, or spread false rumours about them.

Dealing With Envy and Jealousy or Else

Suppressing thoughts and emotions, pretending they don’t exist, typically results in a build-up of difficult feelings and thoughts that will eventually demand an outlet. This suppression can lead to deep emotional and health imbalances. Neglecting our envy or jealousy can also drive us to take harmful actions that negatively affect others, ultimately causing harm to ourselves.

The Paradox-x processes are designed to help us identify the root causes of our envy and jealousy, often rooted in childhood traumas. These processes can aid in overcoming feelings of powerlessness and low self-esteem, shifting our focus from envy to inner strength and opening new doors to achieve our desires.