Swinging on Dependence-Independence Pendulum

We may be swinging on the pendulum between dependence on others (financial, emotional, physical) and independence. When we are dependent, we do not feel we are masters of our lives, we feel we are immature, we do not have strength and often “authority” to make our own decisions. We can even have parasitic energy in which we believe we can fulfil certain needs only through the energy of others.

When we swing into independence extreme, we do not allow anyone to help us, we want to do everything ourselves, we cannot intrust others with anything important to us.

Neither extreme is pleasant and fulfilling.

Dependent Parasitic Relationship Dynamic

In the dependent/parasitic relationships, the parasite leaches on its host. And often takes the life out of other being. If independent, we may “starve” because we do not have connection. We can feel lonely and isolated.

Story About Strangler Fig

An interesting fact – the image we used for our blog depicts a strangler fig, a tree that sucks up the nutrients from its victim/host. The host tree in many cases dies and the strangler fig continues to live on the host’s hollow central core

Interdependence or Symbiosis – a Balanced State

What is, then, a “healthy” state? A golden middle for dependence-independence extremes?

It is interdependence – symbiosis.

The symbiosis is defined as “the intimate living together of two dissimilar organisms in a mutually beneficial relationship.” 

To open up for the state of symbiosis we may need to overcome beliefs caused by traumatic experiences. These traumas may have created painful emotional wounds, destroyed our self-confidence and sense of self-worth and created distrust in others. These subconscious beliefs, typically, are an obstacle for trusting and balanced relationships, an obstacle for symbiosis.

The Path to Symbiosis

To step on the path to symbiosis or interdependence, we need to identify the reasons for choosing one of the extremes (or swinging between the two of them). And to work on building our self-confidence, trust and healthy boundaries. Overcoming dependence-independence polarisation can be supported by Paradox-x process through one-on-one sessions.

The trust and healthy boundaries are the cornerstones for overcoming dependent-independent polarisation. For exploring trust, see our blog (How) Can I Trust Life, Others, Myself? and for strengthening your boundaries, see How to Consciously Define and Maintain Healthy Boundaries.