Perfectionism Is a Keeper?

Do we view perfectionism as a positive trait? Many people consider perfectionism as a positive trait and believe that perfectionist standards take us to high achievements. However, if we look deeper, we will find that perfectionism is often linked to drama, dissatisfaction and anxiety. And that it does not lead to exceptional results.

How Is Perfectionism Created?

If we experienced rejection and if we do not feel worthy, we often develop perfectionism trying to ensure respect and acceptance of others.

We might have formed a belief that some of our faults or imperfections led to rejection. And we are trying to avoid them at any cost. We set high standards for ourselves and try to adhere to them all the time. A mistake to perfectionists means they aren’t good enough. As perfectionists, we can have very black-and-white thinking – we are either perfect or not. Any mistake we make indicates we are not perfect and thus not worthy.

How to Recognise if I am a Perfectionist?

If I am a perfectionist, I can identify with some of the following statements:

• I set high standards for myself and others
• I am overly critical and self-critical
• I seek validation
• I refuse compliments
• I continuously evaluate whether I, or someone else, have made a mistake
• I continuously look for deficiencies in my and the physical appearance of others
• I do not recognise achievements
• I spend too much time on the tasks and complicate the process
• I procrastinate and avoid situations that may lead to failure
• I excessively evaluate if I could have done things differently
• When I feel I have not performed up to standard, I become anxious, sense danger and anticipate something bad happening
• I can feel deep shame because I am not aligned with my standards

Negative Tendencies of Perfectionism

If we are prone to perfectionism, we may also be prone to develop negative traits and behaviours in order to avoid the consequences of the feared imperfection. They may include:

• Blaming others for our mistakes
• Lying to cover up for our mistakes
• Backstabbing or setting up others for mistakes we were responsible for

The negative tendencies arise from our fear of consequences for doing things imperfectly. Because we are terrified of consequences, we may opt for negative behaviours to save ourselves. Obviously, these tendencies are detrimental to us and to others. Thus, it is important to find the root causes of our perfectionism. And to transform it into a balanced state characterised by striving for conscious creation rather than perfection.

Research studies also find that perfectionism has negligible to non-existent correlations with performance.

The perfectionists tend to spend more time on tasks and thus are prone to procrastination. It is also established that they are not the best team players. Perfectionists often consider others as incompetent and have no trust that others can do things in the right way. As a result, perfectionists take on the tasks of others and overburden themselves with work.

If you would like to read more about procrastination, please click here.

Overcoming Perfectionism

As we already described – if we are trapped in perfectionism we may be dealing with anxiety, live in drama, be overburdened with responsibilities and be overly critical of ourselves and others.

If we want to leave the perfectionism trap, we need to identify its root causes. Paradox-x Method offers processes for introspection in the traumas that created perfectionism. It also enables us to identify and adopt key learnings required for overcoming detrimental coping mechanisms, including perfectionism. The learnings may entail understanding of self-worth, the ability to express ourselves authentically, taking ownership of everything we are and being centred on our core being.