Limitations Stemming from Relationships with Parents

One of the key steps on the path to creating the life we desire is the conquering of constraints rooted in our relationships with our parents, or other significant caregivers from our formative years. These constraints become deeply ingrained within our personality, and surmounting them necessitates courage and a profound willingness to undergo transformation.

Early Life Constraints – Conceptions, Gestation, and Birth

While utilising the framework of the Paradox-x method, we are able to delve deeply into the identification of memories linked to conception, gestation, and birth – from the perspective of the child. During the session, these memories are typically remembered in the form of sensory and emotional experiences.

If these periods involved traumatic or stressful events, they can engender stress for the fetus and subsequently, the baby. Examples of such traumatic experiences that we may store within our subconscious include:

• Conception: Non-consensual conception, a lack of desire from one or both individuals to contribute to creating a new life
• Gestation: Parents’ conflicts, an unwanted pregnancy, contemplation of an abortion, fears of miscarriage, concerns from parents about fulfilling their roles as mother or father, and the desire for a child of a specific sex
• Birth: Premature birth, induced labour, a protracted and painful birthing process, and the fears of the mother and/or father regarding childbirth. It is not uncommon for us to harbour one or more traumatic memories stemming from the conception, gestation, and birth phases.

Limitations from Childhood – Assimilating Parents’ Voices

During our childhood, we might not have received the support to be our authentic selves, or our true nature may have been deemed inadequate, insufficient, or even undesirable. We may have faced criticism, punishment, or rejection when expressing ourselves.

One common coping mechanism that often develops in such circumstances is self-criticism, or the adoption of our parents’ critical voices as our own. By adopting these critical voices, we either adapt to their expectations or, by self-critiquing, we effectively endorse our parents’ critical judgments, aligning ourselves with their perspective.

Resentment Towards Parents

In cases where we endured excessive criticism during childhood and experienced a lack of support and love, we may have resorted to the “resentment” remedy.

By holding resentment towards our parents, we may initially feel a sense of relief and construct a protective barrier against their criticism. However, it is important to recognise that maintaining resentment is ultimately detrimental to our well-being.

Resentment is a negative emotion, and few, if any of us, would choose to dwell in such a state if given alternative options.

Overcoming Self-Criticism vs. Resentment Polarisation

Each traumatic experience, creating oscillations between the poles of self-criticism and resentment, can be transformed.

The Paradox-x methodology guides us in comprehending the traumatic experience and reasons for choosing the polarity that we feel safest with. Moreover, it equips us with tools to uncover the valuable lessons concealed behind these traumatic experiences, ultimately setting us free.

Allow me to share an example: Imagine a boy with a deep passion for animals who shares with his parents that he aspires to become a veterinarian. His parents do not support his dream and insist on him pursuing a career in law. He complies with their decision. After completing law school, he embarks on his career but finds himself drained and discontented with his life. He also believes it’s too late to make a change. During the introspection, this man comes to several realisations. While it’s true that his parents recommended law school, it’s also true that he did not advocate for his own choice in a strong manner. He lacked the certainty that this was the right decision for him. He discovers that he still has not mastered the art of listening to his own inner voice and expressing his choices with strength and integrity. After committing to enhancing these virtues in his life, he begins making decisions more in line with his potential and desires, rekindling joy in his life.