We all make choices to either rebel or please people around us in certain situations. And neither role of a rebel nor of a people pleaser makes us happy. Even though we may typically exhibit one of the extremes, in situations of strong or prolonged pressure we will switch roles. People pleasers can have sudden outbursts of anger and rebels can suddenly become condescending.
The cause of going to extremes can typically be found in childhood trauma in which we created a belief that the only way to get what we want is either to rebel against others or to adhere to the opinions and demands of others.
We also talk about reasons why what others think is important to us. The reasons, amongst others, include our survival instincts – we are collective species and acceptance of the group, family and tribe has always been an important precondition for our survival.
Some of the key learnings in the transformation process include:
·        Accepting ourselves as we are
·        Overcoming fears of reactions of other people
·        Expressing who we really are
·        Being expressive without aggression, competing, fighting…
·        Openness and vulnerability